Friendships or lack there of.....

I should start this to say I'm in a poor poor me state of mind. I promise that I will be out of it most likely by tomorrow morning.  I surely am not the only person who is there almost always for her friends, but it's absolutely not a two way street. I feel myself sinking. My two best friends live 12-16 hours away by car. I have friends here, but some have drifted pretty well out of my life, and others just seems that when they need me, I hear from them, otherwise, not so much. I'm lonely. This has been a song I've sang multiple times since we moved back to Kansas. I'm not sure I've cried as much over this lonely feeling as I have the last 6 years.
To be totally honest, I understand that the common denominator is me. I also understand I am NOT everyone's cup of tea. I guess I just wish that people would be honest with me. Tell me what I'm doing wrong. I've never had issues being blessed with friendship, as I have since we came back. I find I grow friendships and then one thing or another happens and that friendship dwindles in some manner or another. I've understood it in some cases and others I'm still bewildered. Some friends have moved, some have had major life changes and I guess I was just not the friend they needed at the time.
I think the most recent friendship that has changed that has hurt the most is 2 of whom I considered 2 very close friends, who I brought together, were literally and I do mean literally talking and sharing "looks" right behind my back. We were at ones husband's retirement party at the lake. The kids had been playing in the lake. While the kids were drying off, one of my little's was not obeying and getting their shoes on, I had repeated myself multiple times to them to get their shoes on. I had been with this little one, constantly doing this act for him and had recently been working to make him independent in this task and we were working hard on obeying. I turned to say something to my two "friends" and see them roll their eyes and make quiet, snide comments about why I couldn't just do it for my child. I think they thought the wind was covering their voice, but they were close enough I could touch them, without moving from where I was standing. I was hurt and honestly, I'm still hurt and it's been probably 9 months. I didn't say anything then, I was shocked, and afterwards didn't because I didn't want to completely destroy the friendship, but I stopped sharing as much. I definitely put up a wall, did not share like I had with them. One of them moved away and I honestly thought, the other friend and I would draw closer, but the opposite has happened and we've barely talked at all since she left.
I know there are many, many things I need to work on personally. I just am not sure what areas I can do better at and what areas I'm good/solid, and to be totally raw and honest, I'm scared to ask. It's hard to hear where you're a failure, especially in friendship, motherhood, and a wife, and well let me tell you, I'm a pretty big failure in all 3. I have a HORRIBLE relationship with my 2nd son/3rd child. My oldest living child, graduates this spring and his plan is to move to Arizona, which is about 20 hours drive from us. I say hurtful things to the people I love the most in this world and the reality is, nothing I can say, no amount of sorry's takes my ugly words away.
I am a person who NEEDS girlfriends in her life. I want friends. I long for them. Having 2 best friends hours away, my best Army wife friend half way across the world, and another the other way across the world.
I long for a friend who knows my heart, see's the ugly, and will love me anyways. I'm not sure I'll have that here, but I'm praying that I will, one day. I'm hopeful that the friends who are far in distance, will be there a bit more for me. Will answer when I call or will call me vs me having to call them.
I am not sure why the Lord has placed me in this spot with friendships the last 6 years. Will you join me in prayer, the 2 or 3 people who read this. Pray that the Lord will bring a friend to my life, for the long haul, who will be a friend who will call me out on my shortcomings and will be there for the good and the bad. Will love me for me.