Sixteen years ago

I remember this night so very clearly. I was still grieving so deeply over the death our beautiful Jordyn, but here I was about to give birth in a few short hours to our 2nd child, our first son, Jacob. Jacob was going to be born on my Great Grandma C's birthday. She had 81 Grandchildren (Great, and Great-Great included in that number and Jacob was a Great-Great), she'd waiting 91 years to have a grandchild born on her birthday!
I was up packing, and repacking my hospital bag. Watching tv, playing online, talking to my best friend, pacing the floor, rocking in my chair, and praying. I was filled with nerves. I was absolutely terrified I would not be able to love this new baby the way I wanted and the way he deserved.
Morning came quickly, I think I may have gotten about 2 hours of sleep, maybe. We were up and out the door around 5:30, ready to get my IV put in, and prepped for my C-section, and welcome this little man into the world.
My fears of being able to love him well disappeared the moment I heard his cries that he'd entered this world. I was in love instantly. Chad and I held him and once I was out of recovery and back to my room, we were greeted by my parents, my Great Aunts and Uncles, and my Great Grandma, who was meeting her Birthday boy, the greatest gift and answer to prayers for my sweet Grandma. She was the first to hold him after Chad and I, and she was instantly in love with him.

Jacob healed my heart in so many ways. I had no idea what the Lord was doing when I found out I was pregnant with Jacob, I was determined that I would not be able to love another child after the death of Jordyn. My heart ached beyond measure. Grief did not stop when Jacob was born, but it softened. I praise Jesus for the gift of Jacob. I praise God that for the last 16 years, he's showed me how to love deeply, laugh fully, cry with my soul, and live completely.

Isaiah 40:11 (ESV)
"He tend his flock like a shepherd;
he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
and gently lead those that are with young. "

Happy Birthday, Jacob. I can't believe you're 16 years old, but I am so grateful for every single day of the last 16 years. You are a blessing to me and I love you so much.