My Girl

 Today my girl would be 24. We had her for 2 years 1 month, 8 days. Her 1st birthday she spent in a German hospital, hooked up to Chemo, having been diagnosed with AML leukemia only 6 days prior, we had sweet friends (mom and her 2 girls) who came up with cupcakes and gifts and we celebrated her birthday.  Her 2nd birthday, we knew she was dying. We had a big party at our home with friends. That was it. If she was alive, I don't even know if she'd live close enough that we could have taken her out for dinner or called her and sang Happy Birthday. As I type this, it's literally almost the time I gave birth to her. 

I have spent all day in bed, watching the ID channel. I figured, I felt sad, so I'll watch other people's sadness too. I know it's messed up. I just miss her so very much. I don't know how it's possible she could be 24 years old. 

I hope tomorrow I can write more in my heart. Tonight, I just feel empty and sad.