Failure

I have felt like a failure for years. I failed our oldest, by getting her vaccinated, allowing others to smoke around her, and ultimately being the cause of her cancer.
I failed keeping her alive. It's been 19 years since she died and I will never forgive myself.
I am failing at my marriage. We have been married for 22 years, and we are so close to divorce.
I am a failure as a mother to my other 6 years. I am angry almost all the time. I tell over stupid little stuff and the big stuff.
I am absolutely miserable.

I feel so far away from God. I want to feel HIM but he's so far away from. I am so lost, scared, sad, and justs empty.
My kids may love me, but they definitely don't like me and I can't blame them.

I don't feel like I really have any friends. I. can't  be truly honest about who I am, because if I am no one would come.close to me, ever. To be fully honest, no one should.
I just am done. I wish that God would just take me home tonight. Everyone would be better off with me gone. I ache for our Savior come and take me home. Oh that one sweet day. I can't wait.
In the meantime, I know I am a failure. This isn't a pity post, it's just a reality and admitting the truth.