Finding Help

I have an appointment with a counselor on Monday morning. I hope it will help. I am positive I am dealing with depression at the very least. I can be around people who say they are my friend and still feel so lonely. I truly feel like I cannot be fully honest with anyone, and share what is going on with me, because to be bluntly honest, I am scared of their reaction.
I have been dealing with my feelings by eating, over eating, and eating all the wrong stuff.
One thing I have changed this week is my eating. I am eating cottage cheese for breakfast and lunch, snacking on carrots, and having a sensible, low complex carb dinner. So far I have lost 7 lbs since Monday. I am working out and walking and do feel better when I do that, so those are two positive changes and knowing I am going to have someone to talk to and hopefully work through this depression with. I am also going to try to treat this depression naturally. I do not trust pharmaceuticals and believe they do more harm than good. I am going start with Liver Cod oil and proceed from there.
I still feel far from the Lord, bit I continue to pray, continue to read HIS word, and write out my Bible verse daily.
One area that has hurt me to the core is my relationship with my oldest. The plan was to go with him to Arizona to set up his apartment. My mom and sister in law going as well, and we would use the week to hang out together as well. He told me he doesn't want us to go. He has stomped on my heart. I have also decided that since he made it very clear he wants separation that I will not be purchasing a ticket for him to.fly back for Christmas. I am not being spiteful, just trying to respect his wishes to get away from us, from me.
I thought we were in a better place, but I was very wrong. He's making choices that I believe are going to cause him harm, but at this point I can't stop him. I write this through tears.  He doesn't want to be like me and I don't blame him.
As for my marriage, I have been sleeping on the couch for over 2 weeks now. My 15 year old grabbed my wrists 2 weeks ago and bruised them and my right shoulder. My husband stood right there and allowed it and actually said he saw no issue. He cussed at me and called me vile names over the weekend. I know I am at just as much fault, but I do have to stand up for myself and have at least enough self respect and enough dignity for my daughter's to tell them it's not okay to be spoke or treated this way.

One day at a time